Cleo’s Birth Story

Choosing a Home Birth: I don't know exactly when I had decided that I wanted a home birth but it goes back many years. Even in High School I told my best of friends, including Makalae, all the challenges I saw with Hospital births. It probably goes back to my upbringing. My mom had all four of her kids naturally. However, in a hospital in Germany and not at home. I think this is the basis. For me it was important to have a natural birth. To have that in a US hospital just didn't seem feasible.

Flash forward many years, I am pregnant and of course my husband, Ze’en, and I had some historic conversations about my wanting a home birth. He was not yet convinced.

Given our strenuous time with previous pregnancies that ended in miscarriages, initially we found ourselves going to an OBGYN. I had been seeing a midwife at the practice for my annual checkups but was referred to a doctor for my pregnancy. I was however not sold on the practice, hospital, or doctor for my prenatal care and delivery.

After more conversations, presentations on the research, and some documentaries, Ze’en agreed to interview midwifes. However, he was more so on board with a birth center than giving birth at home. I setup meetings with three midwives for us. The first two were nice but didn't convince him. By the third we had clear questions we asked and things we knew we wanted to be addressed during the interview. The third midwife was a bit of a bonus to me since she only offered home births and didn't work with a birth center. Scheduling with the third worked out in such a way that we had a OBGYN visit immediately before the interview with the midwife. I think in part this immediate compare and contrast was extremely convincing.

What he observed that day was a 10 minute conversation with my doctor in which I wanted to discuss the option of a natural birth. My doctor at the time was fairly short with me. He said something to the effect of, “Sure, we’ll let you labor naturally and go along with a natural labor but in the end we will do what’s best for the baby. . . 50% of deliveries end in c sections.” There are so many things that drove me nuts about this conversation. I was being dismissed. I was being guilted. Every mother in labor wants to do what is best for the baby! I just have/had a hard time thinking that all deliveries need pitocin, epidurals, episiotomies, c sections or any other medical intervention.

Ze’en watched me shut down. I don’t think we said much in that car ride home. Just minutes later our midwife, Firen, came to our home for the first time. She sat with us for over an hour and talked to us about home births, safety, planning, prenatal and postpartum care, statistics around home birth and her personal experiences and drivers. It became apparent to my husband that even though in his mind the birth of his child wouldn’t happen at home, that this was the right option for me. We hired Firen that week.

Birth Plan: It’s interesting for me to think of our birth plan. This was something I definitely expected and was kind of excited about. As a type A personality planning is a big part of life for me. However, in my 3rd trimester it became clear that a birth plan with a midwife was much less formal. Firen knew me! She understood what I wanted and if we would need to transfer to a hospital, we didn’t need a detailed birth plan to reflect on. Of course we discussed in detail my hopes for labor and her practices but we never made a true birth plan that we could waive around and show others.

What we did have was a birth team meeting. This was basically where everyone that would be at the birth got together. For us this was very limited number of people. It was Ze’en (my designated birth partner), my midwife, our second midwife (Morgan), and I. We talked about which rooms we would likely be utilizing, how to set a comfortable atmosphere, who would be doing what when and also when the midwifes would arrive. The reason there are two midwives at the birth is because by the end there are two people to take care of, Baby and Mama. The midwives advised that generally women like to be in cave like environments. They strongly felt that I would end up in my bedroom as it was cozy and dark. I 100% imagined that I would be giving birth in our living room while squatting or on all fours.

Early Labor: On August 30th I woke up around 3-4 in the morning. I was clearly feeling early contractions. Part of me wanted to wake my husband and start getting ready. However, a much larger part knew that I was likely still far away from holding my baby girl. I decided to wait and see what would happen; I partially expected them to completely stop especially since I wasn’t due until September 4th. By 7 am it became apparent that these contractions weren’t going anywhere. They were not super strong yet but lasting between 30 seconds to a minute and with intervals at about 15-10 minutes. Given our birth class with our midwife I was not really timing these early contractions. I was trying to just proceed with my day.

When Ze’en woke up he had the reaction that I had been fighting, basically, “OMG it’s go time”. He was 100% certain that he would not be going into work that day (it was supposed to be his last day before his paternity leave). We spent the morning together and decided that I would still be able to get my eyebrows done. Though my eye brow lady was shocked to have a women who was contracting laying at her table it honestly worked out well. It got me distracted, out of the house, and moving about.

In the afternoon I decided it was time to tell my midwife what had been happening. Funny enough she asked about the timing of the contractions. I honestly couldn’t tell her and felt a bit silly for having followed so closely to the guidance of not timing them. She just laughed and said that it was impressive that I was able to not time them.

The rest of the day continue more of the same. I was still laughing, talking, and joking. That night things got more tense. The dad to be was attempting to sleep but for me the contractions were keeping me up. I was no longer comfortable and found that I could only bear the contractions on all fours. I basically kept attempting to lay on my back and then as a contraction would come on, I would flip over onto all fours. By 2 am I woke Ze’en and told him that I think we needed Firen to come. There was a lot of uncertainty. I had been laboring for nearly 24 hours but I just wasn’t sure what would be next and how soon.

Our midwife came. She observed me for a while. She reassured my husband and I that this was definitely early labor but that we still had time. She also did her first vaginal exam and noted that I was only 1 cm dilated. Firen told me that the best thing for all of us would be to try and get some sleep. She also let me know that once morning comes thing may slow down a bit. With that she left. I worked through many contractions over the next hours and may have even gotten a few minutes of shut eye.

The next day, Thursday, was more of the same. I continued to work though my early labor and just went into a laboring zone. As the day progressed it got hotter and hotter outside. This weekend was supposed to be one of the hottest on record. It ended up getting up to 107 by Friday. We had no AC and were just sweating it out.

Thursday night, around 2am again, I felt the need to have Firen come to us. She did and was a trooper. I think at this point she could tell that I was getting tired. I needed to eat and keep hydrated. She helped us find different more comfortable positions and setup shop in our living room. I mostly labored on my bed and she would check in on me.

Friday morning. I never stopped to think how long it had been. Looking back now, I am surprised how instinctual it all was. There wasn’t much thinking on my part. Instead, I was just focused on giving birth. This morning, Firen encouraged us to take a walk around the block. This seemed like a terrible idea. I hated thinking of being so vulnerable on our streets. After some convincing, Ze’en took me by the hand and outside we went.

That block felt forever long. We would walk a few feet and a contraction would sweep over me. I would cling onto my husband but hate that I was so exposed in the open. I'm certain though that the walk actually helped things along and that it was good for us to get some fresh air.

When we came back, Firen checked me again. To much of my dismay, after 48 hours I was only at 4cm. While she was performing the exam she offered to sweep my membrane. Given the research I had done, I declined the sweep. While this may help labor along, I felt like I truly wanted things to progress naturally. I didn't want to enhance my risk of infection or do anything to upset the natural part of labor.

A little while later, while my husband and Firen were trying to get a bit of shut eye, I had a bit of an explosion during one of my contractions. We had been checking since the beginning if my water broke (we had little strips that we would touch to the liquids, birth is quite a wet experience, but had been testing negative. This to me seemed like it was it! I went up to my midwife and asked her to come check the fluids on the bed. It was clear after seconds that my water had finally broken.

Active Labor: Shortly after, we decided that it would be time to get into the birthing tub for a change of pace. We had set this up in our living room. While many people jump to the conclusion that if you have your baby at home you will have your baby in the water tub, for me I was excited to explore the option.

In all honestly, in the tub things started to take a turn for the worse. Since I had tested positive for Strep B (another post altogether for a later time) I had an IV. This meant that I was unable to submerge my left arm. So it was a little odd... half in half out of the tub. While the water did feel somewhat nice, I didn't feel this relief that other mothers describe. I think most of my enjoyment came from the cooling effect, as the temperatures continued to climb outside and thus in our home.

As I continued to be in the tub and another contraction came over me, I all of the sudden felt the urge to push. I was confused. Was it time? Did things move this quickly. Something didn't feel right. I told Ze’en and he brought Firen over.

This is where things definitely took a turn. It was not yet time to push. I was still only at 4 cm dilated. Firen encouraged me to just breath through and fight the urge to push. Now the best way I know how to describe fighting this urge is fighting vomit or diarrhea. There is no real way of fighting your body. I tried to fight. Would sometime fail and concern would wash over me. We tried a lot of different positions to see if things would ease up. Inversions as my midwife called them. I literally spent time dangling off my couch on my head to see if this would help. We did find some relief when lying on my side and my midwife would apply pressure. It seemed like each contraction now would take so much effort. All I wanted during this stage is for my midwife to hold my hand and breath with me. I literally turned my husband away and would cry for Firen.

This is how I soon reached my breaking point. I remember during the inversion and trials of fighting this urge to push too soon, my midwife told me that we could go to the hospital. That they would make the pain stop. I kept saying no. I remember at one point, turning to my partner, tears in my eyes and saying, "I can't do this! ... But. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want an epidural. I don't want a c section."

After a while of this, and my midwife clearly realizing that I didn't have much more in me. She said, let's just check you one more time and then make a decision on a transfer. I was terrified in the seconds to come. What if I was still at 4 cm? 5 cm?

Firen looked at me with a tear in her eye and said, "You can do this! You are at 8 cm we are going to get there."

Pushing: And I did. From those 8cm it seemed like things just moved much more quickly. I had gotten the encouragement I need and knew that I could handle it. Firen called the second midwife to come though she voiced some concern that our little girl may arrive before her.

She didn't. I got to 10cm and started to push moments before Morgan arrived. It was finally time to stop fighting the urge to push and give in. Firen told me, "I don't think I have had a mother as excited as you will be to hear this, but its time to push!"

So we did. In the next 45 minutes we tried several positions. It became clear that my baby was not going to allow all positions. She was much more in favor of me on my back on may bed, in a very traditional birthing position, than any other. In the others she would show signs of distress. I even had to be put on oxygen for some time. It was very hot. Putting on the oxygen on literally had me collecting sweat behind it. It was messy and uncomfortable.

Just imagine this, 107 outside temp, 4 people in a tiny bedroom, one in labor. In the moment the heat didn't bother me much without the oxygen. I remember Morgan coming with wet and cold wash cloths on my back and face. I was drenched in sweat. I really don't know how the others beard the heat but I guess they felt no right to complain given what I was doing.

After some trial and error with positions, we decided to give my willful girl her way and move to the bed and lay in the more traditional position. Several pushes in, Morgan encouraged me to feel for the babies head. I remember that being all too real. I was like no no, I don't want to feel it. She looked at me with disbelieve. In that moment, I felt like feeling a head coming out of me may just be too much. However, Morgan didn't want me to miss out on this part. She encouraged me and slowly moved my hand. This was the first contact I made with my baby girl. It was odd, and surreal to feel her hairy head but definitely encouraging.

In parallel to this, Firen had asked Ze'en to join her at the foot of the bed. He could watch the birth first hand and get ready to catch the baby. I remember her instructing him on how to prevent tearing of my perineal. I think that moment it became real for my husband. Our baby was going to be born naturally at home and he was going to catch her.

Soon after, Firen then told me that the head was out. In that moment, I looked to Morgan and asked, "if I push really hard during the next contraction, will she be born?" She said, "Maybe". Just what every mother wants to hear ;) I gave it my all during the next contraction and to much of Firen and my husbands surprise the baby shot out. That's literally how they described it. I think it happened so quickly that they weren't even quite ready for it.

Afterbirth: After my little girl shot out, she was immediately placed on my chest. I remember this bliss and amazement in these moments. Eventually Firen said to me, "Phoebe I need you to focus for a minute and deliver the placenta. Can you tell your body that your baby is born and to release." These instructions seemed crazy but somehow it actually worked. With the next contraction, the placenta swooped out. Looking back, it had been 45 minutes since Cleo was born and there was concern of hemorrhaging. I had minimal blood loss and my body apparently just needed a little note to release the placenta.

With that the birth of Cleo was completed. While her dad and I were in blissful parent heaven, Morgan and Firen cleaned up. They noted how little blood I lost and how I had no tearing. Firen even said that if she didn't know it, she wouldn't believe that I had just delivered a baby.

I remember looking at my baby in awe. 57 hours and she was finally here! The first words I said to my husband were, "I love you", shortly followed by, "She is definitely Cleo". Up until then we hadn't decided 100% on a name. We had our healthy little girl, born un-medicated, at home.